Warm Fuzzies
by Death By Segway Scooter
Summary: As Blumiere attempts to surprise Timpani with a spell, something goes horribly wrong. Or does it...?


**Disclaimer:** Super Paper Mario is owned by Nintendo and Intelligent Designs. I just write about it in my spare time.

**Author's Note:** This story has nothing to do with my earlier fic, "The Great Equalizer," which has a similar setting in a different "location." Think of it as a "Schrodinger's Fic," if you will.

**Warm Fuzzies  
**

Illumination spell, no. Poison-curing spell, not really necessary. A spell that changed a rainy day into a pleasant sunny day, no. A do-it-yourself x-ray spell so you could save money when visiting the doctor - that would have been useful if x-rays weren't all but deadly to him. Sunstroke-curing spell - already knew an easier method.

Blumiere (alias Count Bleck) grumbled to himself as he forced himself to leaf through a spellbook that had to be colored with the most irritating pastel hues he'd ever seen. The type of spell he was looking for was of no extreme importance, but he was determined to find it anyway. Even if he went blind doing so.

He was sitting in the living room of his new home that he and Timpani had been living in the past few months after the Chaos Heart had been banished. Interestingly enough, the house was already waiting there for them when were transported to this world. It didn't look like it was abandoned, either. Their current theory was that the Pure Hearts somehow read their minds and channeled their dreams to create it. It was a simple, one-story house that had features to accommodate the both of them. There was bright, cheery rooms for Timpani as well as windowless, dark rooms for Blumiere. The house also had high ceilings and door frames to allow the former count to fly around. The place even came with their old belongings from their former homes. They both found that a tad creepy, but again, they just told themselves that the Pure Hearts were probably responsible.

It was well past midnight, and Timpani had long since gone to bed. On the other hand, Blumiere, being nocturnal, was wide awake. This worked out perfectly for him as the spell he was searching for was going to be a surprise for her. That, and if he read this book under any sort of light, those colors would probably cause his eyes to spontaneously combust.

The eye-searing book he found at a local library. It turned out that their new home was not actually an empty world. They were a few miles from a small, one-horse town. The town was populated by short, curvaceous, human-like creatures that liked to wear big spotty hats. Thankfully, they were friendly; they only time they batted an eye at the couple was to say that they didn't remember them moving in. They also didn't seem to care too much about the couple's looks. The only ones who paid any sort of attention to that were a couple of children, and all they did was ask Blumiere if he could fly them around the countryside.

As small as the town was, it just so happened to have its own library. Naturally, the library was just as small - it was actually the first floor of a large house. The librarian was a different humanoid creature, tall and with pink hair. She seemed to be the only employee there.

Blumiere had come to the library just out of curiosity; he honestly did not expect to find a spellbook of any sort there. The librarian not only seemed to be expecting him, she practically read his mind. She immediately pulled the book off the shelf and told him that the spell he was looking for was inside. She also told him to be careful, and he quickly saw why.

The book was entitled _Practical Light Magic Spells for Beginners._ Yes, _light_ magic.

Someone like him attempting to use light spells was just as dangerous as someone from the diurnal races attempting to use dark spells. For the latter, their curses often cursed them as well, their undead armies often turned on them, and their simple summon spells would often accidentally conjure up the local cosmic abomination instead. It was largely because they were not in tune with the darkness enough to control it properly. It was the same for Dark Tribesmen attempting to use light spells. Healing spells often caused horrible mutations while attempts to create light beams sometimes resulted in thermonuclear blasts.

This made him hesitant to say the least. This was only supposed to be a sweet surprise for Timpani; he didn't want something horrible to happen. On the other hand, he also knew that the kind of thing he was looking for was light magic's specialty. He still wondered if he could possibly find a dark magic equivalent. But where would he find a book of dark magic in a world like this? The Royal Library back in his hometown would have been great for this situation, but he wasn't sure if his homeworld had been restored. And even if it had, there was no way he could show his face there ever again for obvious reasons. It seemed like this book was his only lead.

Well, the kind of spell he was looking for wasn't anything spectacular. If something went wrong, maybe there wouldn't be much damage. Besides, he was a pretty strong magic user. Even though he had almost no affinity for light magic, maybe his knowledge of how magic works could override that. He decided to bring it home with him after all.

And that brings us to the burning question: what kind of spell was he looking for? Well, even he didn't have an exact answer for that. But he did have an idea of what he might like to find.

After Blumiere and Timpani had been reunited they had spent a lot of time doing what all couples do after they've been separated for a long time - that's right, cuddling! But Blumiere always thought Timpani sort of got the short end of the stick when it came to their snuggle sessions. First off, his body temperature was naturally much lower than hers, making him permanently cold to the touch. Second, there wasn't much to him. His body ended just below his chest, and that was it. What little flesh he did have was practically skin and bones. She never complained about it, however. Perhaps it didn't bother her. But for some reason, it sort of bothered him.

Thus, he was looking for something alleviate his self-consciousness and to make him a little more...cuddly. Maybe a warming spell, so he wouldn't feel so cold? Just something so that she wouldn't feel like she was snuggling a dismembered, emaciated corpse. Even if that didn't bother her, it might be a nice little surprise right?

He paused for a moment to take off his monocle and rub his eyes. Were all books on light magic this _gaudy_? He had heard diurnal races had bad eyesight, but this was ridiculous. The book also contained doodles of cutesy animals, flowers, stars, and hearts in the borders, too. They made the spellbook look more like some little kid's school notebook. He knew that this was supposed to be a beginner's guide, but did the publishers honestly think that all "beginners" were children? Or did they just not take their work seriously?

He was just slipping his monocle back on and preparing to torture his poor eyeballs some more when he spotted it - a spell that suited his needs just perfectly. It had the dubious name of "Warm Fuzzies" (as if the book couldn't get any more irritating) and its description claimed that it could make the body "warm and soft" and that it was "great for couples." It seemed fast and easy to cast; there was little setup and no ridiculously long steps such as brewing something for days or waiting for a certain moon phase. Finally, its reagents consisted of things he could readily find around his kitchen or out in Timpani's garden. It sounded great.

...Perhaps too good to be true. There had to be a catch somewhere. Magic always has some kind of catch. Dark magic books were always careful to outline all of the dangers and possible side effects of each spell. However, this spell didn't list any side effects. In fact, the entire book didn't list many consequences or dangers for a lot of its spells. Was it trying to say there weren't any at all? He found that hard to believe.

The list of reagents bothered him too. They mostly consisted of food items and dried plants. This was not the problem per se, it was just that there was no blood or flesh or non-vital organs or any tissue samples of any sort used in the spell. How was he supposed to control it? Perhaps light spells were controlled in some other way besides sacrificing body parts?

The lack of specificity also made him nervous. Dark magic book always made sure to be painfully precise in their reagents and measurements, listed all the things you had to do and in what order, and listed all of the things that you could _not_ do under any circumstances. You _had_ to put that candle out by 1:00 AM, or you would lose one of your five senses. If you used just a milligram more of ground Jawbus horns in your summoning spell, you'd bring forth something too strong for you to control. And if you said the wrong thing to the wrong Holder, a swift death was the best thing you could hope for. This book was anything but that. For example, it called for marshmallows. What _kind_ of marshmallows? The jumbo ones? The miniature ones? The ones in cereal? It didn't say - it just said "marshmallows." What would happen if he used the wrong ones? Would it boil his insides? Cause a nuclear holocaust? What?

Blumiere was really beginning to have second thoughts about this. He was about to mess around with a dangerous force that he not only had no experience with, but that he was vulnerable to. And he was using a book that was cheerfully unhelpful. But as he looked at the cover again, he started to think that perhaps he was just being paranoid. The book said that it was "for beginners." They wouldn't put the really tough, dangerous spells in a beginner's grimoire.

...Right? He honestly didn't know how light mages went about doing things. Maybe they learned all their horrible, nasty spells first to make the rest easy?

No, no...that sounded stupid. Besides, if any of these spells were really that dangerous, wouldn't they require equally dangerous reagents such as radioactive materials? He only saw that for the x-ray spell. And wouldn't the author be forced to put a warning on it? In all the worlds he knew of, spellbooks were regulated, and dangerous spells had to be labeled as such. Even the Dark Prognosticus swore up and down how destructive its spells were in prophecy format.

Yes, maybe he was just overthinking things. Seeing as how this thing was a only beginner's book, its spells were more than likely harmless. It was certainly hard to picture city-leveling magic amongst cutesy drawings like these. Maybe he should just stop worrying and give it a shot.

Blumiere got out of his chair and headed into the kitchen to get started. He just hoped he was right...

* * *

As expected, the setup only took him a few minutes. The hardest part had been getting the dried rose petals, and all he had to do was go outside and pick up a few around Timpani's rose bush. Those that were not quite dry enough he finished drying with a bit of his own magic.

He had ground them up along with some other dried flowers, mixed them with a few spices, and sprinkled them inside a cup of Honey Syrup. It was now time to start the actual casting. He hesitated, giving the cup a suspicious stare.

"...Count Blumiere hopes he's not going to regret this later," he mumbled. The then chastised himself for speaking in third person. He had mostly broken the habit, but every once in awhile, especially when he was nervous, he'd slip. But hey, at least he didn't call himself something else.

Blumiere steeled himself, stood up from the kitchen table, and made his final preparations. The process of actually casting the spell was so goofy, he was glad Timpani wasn't awake to see it. He had to put a miniature marshmallow on his head (or in this case, on top of his omnipresent top hat) and toss a pinch of sugar in his face. Then he had to recite the magic words (he hoped he was pronouncing them right), and drink up the cup of Honey Syrup.

As soon as he finished doing so, his body instantly felt warmer, but not feverish. That was a good sign; he'd probably be in a lot more pain if it was actually boiling him alive from the inside.

_That turned out well,_ he thought, feeling satisfied. _I must admit, I feel a bit silly now for doing all that worrying._

He idly wondered if it was worth waking Timpani up to tell her the good news. With the amount of reagents he used. the spell was only going to last about six hours. It might still be in effect if she woke up early, but if not...well, it _was_ pretty easy to make.

But just as he turned around to clean things up, there was a loud pop, and he came crashing to the ground. He didn't know why, but he suddenly felt so..._heavy._

He struggled to get up, but he could only hover about a foot off the ground. What happened? He wasn't in pain or anything, he just felt like he weighed a ton.

He looked himself over. His hands looked a bit puffy. His ectoplasmic arms, translucent to his eyes but invisible to almost everyone else, were now opaque. He gingerly poked his right arm with slightly swollen fingers. They were always soft, but instead of rubbery, they felt...squishy. The spell must have converted his ectoplasm into something else - no wonder he felt so heavy.

_Blumiere, you idiot! What were you_ thinking _trusting a book of light magic?_ he cursed, planting his face in his palm. He really hoped Timpani was going to sleep in today!

That's when he noticed his face felt awful squishy too. Feeling too heavy to drag himself all the way back to his room for a mirror, he crawled toward the sink, reached into a cabinet underneath, and pulled out a tea tray. The tray, thankfully, had a mirrored bottom.

He took one look in the mirror and had to stifle a scream. He looked _hideous_!

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the house, Timpani had been sleeping peacefully until she heard a loud pop. She sat straight up in bed, bolt awake. A quick glance at the alarm clock told her it was two in the morning.

Her first thought was that someone had broken into the house, but then she remembered that she now lived with someone who was nocturnal. Maybe Blumiere was up to something. But what was he doing that made so much noise?

She got out of bed and, just as a precaution, grabbed the steel baseball bat she kept hidden under her bed. She cautiously stepped out of her room and into the adjacent short hall. She flipped the light switch next to her door to on the hallway light - thankfully, no one was out there.

She crept toward the living room doorway, making sure to keep her back to the wall. She peered into the guest room on her way over. Nobody seemed to be in there. She she made it to the doorway, she peeked around the corner. Through the gloom, it seemed like there was nobody in there either. She crept into the room and turned on the nearest lamp. Sure enough, the room was empty.

"Blumiere?" she called, wondering where went to.

She was answered by the kitchen door slamming shut on the other side of the room.

_The plot thickens,_ she thought.

She quietly approached the kitchen door and listened. It sounded like Blumiere was mumbling to himself about something. It didn't sound like there was anybody in there with him, but she wasn't quite convinced.

She tapped the kitchen door with the tip of the bat. "Blumiere, is everything okay in there?" she called.

"Yes, everything's fine!" he called back. His voice sounded oddly muffled. "I just thought I'd do some dishes and I accidentally dropped a glass. I'm just cleaning it up."

"Need some help?"

"No, that's not necessary. You can go back to bed. Count Blu - *ahem!* - er, _I've_ got everything under control," he replied. "Besides, there's still glass everywhere. I wouldn't come in here if I were you."

Timpani raised an eyebrow. Blumiere was usually better at the little white lie than this. As far as she knew, the sound of glass breaking wasn't a loud pop. And something had rattled him enough to make him talk in third person. However, she had a feeling she wasn't going to get a straight answer out of him. Barging in might be a bad idea, too - he might magically lock the door.

Thankfully, she had a plan.

"Well, I'll just head back to bed then," she called. "See you in the morning!"

"Pleasant dreams, milady," Blumiere answered, sounding suspiciously relieved.

She walked back into the hallway, but it was only to turn the light off. Then, quietly as she could, she sneaked right back to the kitchen door. She listened for any additional voices, but once again she could only hear Blumiere mumbling to himself. He seemed to be cursing himself out for doing something...for "trusting" somebody, it sounded like.

She gathered up her courage and readied her bat. Perhaps her adventure with Mario made her paranoid, but she was still worried that a potential intruder was in there with Blumiere. An intruder that had painted him into a corner so that he wasn't fighting back. Maybe Dimentio decided to settle the score and was in there blackmailing him. Or maybe his rather mentally unstable father, Count Sang, had somehow found them and was once again trying to convince Blumiere not to stay with her.

Either way, she was expecting a nasty surprise. But if someone was in there threatening her husband, she wasn't going to just up and abandon him. With that, she burst into room, her trusty baseball bat ready.

Thankfully, she didn't have to worry about fighting any power-hungry magical jesters or claw-happy previous counts. Nobody was in there except Blumiere - who was in the floor for some reason. When she practically busted the door down, he let out a surprised yelp and turned away from her. It looked like he was trying to hide underneath his cloak and his hat.

"I-I thought you went back to sleep!" he cried, his voice definitely sounding muffled.

"You were acting so strange, I thought something was wrong," Timpani replied, leaning the bat against a wall when she learned that the coast was clear. "And it looks like something is. How come you're in the floor?"

"Like I said, I'm just cleaning up some broken glass," Blumiere answered, not looking at her nor getting up. "No need to worry."

Timpani turned on the light above the stove. Just as she suspected, there was no sparkle of broken glass anywhere in the floor, nor did her husband have a broom or dustpan on him to sweep with. There was, however, dried flowers, bottles of spices, and a bag of marshmallows on the table.

"Looks like you were cooking in here," she said.

Blumiere seemed to twitch, but he still wouldn't budge. "In a manner of speaking, I was," he said. "It's...complicated. Can't we discuss this in the morning?"

She began to wonder if she had caught him in the middle of cooking something for her, and he was trying to keep it a secret. Didn't explain why he was in the floor, though. That's when she noticed the book on the table. She picked it up and looked at the cover. _Practical Light Magic Spells for Beginners._

"Light magic?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "But isn't that-?"

"...Dangerous if I do it? Yes. Yes it is," the former count sighed, slouching.

"Okay, seriously Blumiere. What happened?" Timpani demanded as she approached him. As she did, he seemed to desperately try to hide himself even more behind his cloak. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"Timpani, please...," he said in a somewhat disturbing pained voice. "Don't look at me..."

She knelt down next to him and looked anyway. She gasped and nearly fell over.

"Blumiere, what did you do to yourself?" she cried.

All of his clothes - everything except for his monocle - were covered in a short, fluffy fuzz. His arms were visible and seemed to be made out of some sort of spongy blue material. His eyes were big and round, as was his face. His puffy cheeks had rosy circles on them that stood out against his dark blue skin.

In short, he looked like he had turned himself into a plush toy. And he was absolutely _adorable._

Blumiere lowered the brim of his now fuzzy top hat over his now much bigger eyes in embarrassment - big eyes which were currently blue. They usually turned that color whenever he was upset about something or injured. It was definitely the former this time.

"I was...just trying to surprise you with a spell," he began. "But something went wrong. I suppose this is what Coun - this is what _I_ get for trying to use light m-OOOOOF-!"

He was cut off by Timpani suddenly tackling him and giving him a big bear hug. At this point, he was glad he was so soft, as her squeeze could have very well broken some ribs.

"Omigosh, you're _soooooo cuuuuuute_!" she cried, snuggling him.

Blumiere was dumbfounded. "You think I'm _cute_?" he asked, raising an eye ridge. He thought he looked nauseatingly terrible, like those illustrations in that book.

"Of _course_ I do!" she gushed. "You're so _squishy_ and _warm_ and whocouldresistthese_cheeeeeeeks_?" She pinched both his plump, ruby cheeks at the same time.

Blumiere just shrugged. Humans found this kind of thing cute, apparently. He couldn't figure out why, but then again, what did he know? He smiled as his eyes turned back to their usual yellow and red.

"Well if milady likes it, then that's all that matters," he said, putting a soft arm around her shoulder. She giggled and squeezed him some more.

She then remembered something. "Say, why _did_ you do this to yourself?" she asked. "You said something about trying to surprise me?"

"Err...yes," Blumiere replied with a guilty look on his swollen face. "I guess you could say I was trying to make myself more...cuddly? I know that I'm always so cold and bony..."

"Oh Blumiere, you didn't have to do that!" Timpani cried. "You know I don't care how warm or cold you are. Besides, I'd hate to see you hurt yourself with the wrong spell!"

The dark one just sighed. "I know...it's just something that's been bothering me..."

"Well, don't let it," the girl said, giving him a gentle smile.

"Alright, I won't." The former count smiled back, and gave her a kiss on her forehead. She gave him a peck on the nose (or the area where his nose would be if he had one), and they cuddled a bit more.

After a few moments, Timpani asked, "How long does this spell last anyway?"

"About six hours," her mate answered. "Why?"

She smiled coyly. "Well, how about we get out of this dusty old floor and find a better place to snuggle? Like say...the bedroom?"

Blumiere returned the coy, albeit fanged, smile. "Why Timpani, I do like the way you think!"

They held each other's hands and stood up. Or at least, Timpani did. Blumiere got a few inches off the ground before falling back down.

"Ah, that's right. I forgot," he grumbled. "The spell made me heavier. I'm going need some assistance, unfortunately." He dragged himself over to the table and reached for one of the kitchen chairs to help himself up.

"Here, I gotcha," he heard Timpani say behind him.

The next thing the dark spirit knew, he was being flipped on his back as she scooped him up in her arms. To her, he still felt perfectly lightweight, just a little bulkier.

Blumiere hid under his fuzzy hat again. "Blehhh...this is just plain embarrassing...," he muttered, his rosy cheeks becoming rosier. "I wanted to be the one doing the carrying!"

"Aw, just this once won't hurt anything!" Timpani chuckled.

"Well, I suppose not," he sighed in mock resignation while playfully draping his plushy arms around her neck and shoulders. "Lead the way."

As Timpani whisked him off to the bedroom, Blumiere couldn't help but think about how the librarian was right all along. And how what he thought was a spell gone horribly wrong actually went perfectly right.


End file.
